- Abraham Lincoln never fought vampires or zombies
- Adolph Hitler was not machine gunned to death in a movie theater in Paris
- Marty McFly did not invent Rock and Roll
- Richard Nixon never dispatched Dr. Manhattan to end the Vietnam War
You never complained about these changes to history, so shut the fuck up about a black man playing a fictional spy, you idiotic, racist pricks.
Oh, so women can’t dress how they want because men can’t control their sexual urges? When dogs can’t control their sexual urges, we cut off their balls.
I think I’m onto something here.
I have this weird theory that some people are drawn to each other because their atoms were near each other when the universe was created and over time the same atoms keep coming back together
DID YOU JUST SCIENTIFICALLY EXPLAIN SOUL MATES?!
It’s too early to be thinking about this shit
- Brother: I wonder what Satan looks like..
- Me: Well, first off his name is Lucifer and he's a fallen angel. According to the bible he was suppose to be super gorgeous.
- Brother: Really?
- Me: Yeah. I guess you could say he was....
- Brother: ???
- Me: ... fine as hell.